A Letter to my Future Self

 I wasn't originally going to put this online, but I decided that maybe it would inspire me if I actually wrote it down, well typed it.

I am in a good place; physically and emotionally. I know that I won't always be. This post is a letter to my future self; to remind me that every storm will pass and there will always be a ray of light.

 

If you're looking back on this post, then you aren't particularly having a good day. Maybe it's work, your friends, or maybe even family stuff. We can get pretty crazy sometimes. You're a smart girl. I know you, very well. I am you. You're starting to think that you were wrong. You're beginning to believe that happiness was a cruel joke that your mind is playing on you. 

 

Happiness is real. You've felt it.

 

Take a deep breath. Try to remember that this feeling isn't forever, its just for now. Clear your mind. focus on what makes you happy. Go to a show, see a movie, grab some dinner. This life is yours. Don't let anyone take that away from you. One day you might have children, hell you may have a few now. Know matter what they'll be proud of you, but lead by example. Be the strong woman that you want other girls to be. You can get through this. I believe in you. Even if right now you can't do the same.

 

Signed the only person that you may truly trust.

 

 

This is my Truth

I read a post a few minutes ago that inspired me to write this one. I know that every person on this planet has something that they are struggling with. Sometimes I forget that. For a long time I just watched my life pass by. I wasn't working towards a goal or fulfilling a dream. Don't get me wrong; I had plans, dreams, and goals that I set for myself, but I never really cared.

I wish I could say that now I care and am setting my sails in their direction, but I'd be lying to both of us.

 

I have one major fear in life. To a lot of you it may seem really silly. I am afraid of the quiet. When it's quiet, I am alone with my own thoughts. I am left to analyze my actions and those of others. Mostly in negative ways. It was easy for me to find my own faults and surely if I could find them, sooner or later others would as well. I am my own worst enemy.

 

I had my world torn apart, and I am learning how to rebuild it. I am learning that not everyone is the same. There are people out there who know what love is and give it freely. I think the hardest thing for me, is learning to trust. I wasn't aware of what the word actually meant, or even what it felt like until recently. It's strange.

 

I'm sorry if this is a bit of a ramble or a rant, but I know that there are like minded humans out there that feel as alone as I did. I realize that saying I am here for you may be a cliché, but it's the truth. I have been paranoid, self loathing, mad at the world, so close to the edge that I didn't know if I could come back, and I have felt so numb that physical pain was the only way I felt alive.

You are not alone. Not now, not ever.

Later Butterflies,

Skin

Its Upon Us

A month ago smack talk started, cable bills increased, and honey-do lists were done by Sunday morning. It can only mean one thing!

FOOTBALL SEASON!

While most girls were getting excited about pumpkin spice lattes, most men were finding the perfect spot on the couch with a beer and some wings. Oh yea, drink responsibly and designate a driver!

Now that my adulting is done we can move on.

I'd like to start by saying that

 

 It all started in 8th grade when I sat between two boys who were arguing over which Manning brother was going to earn them more point in their fantasy league. I asked if I could help them settle their debate and per usually. They told me that I wouldn't be able to help them settle the argument because I was a girl and wouldn't know anything about football. They were right; I didn't know anything about football, so I spent the next Sunday sitting with my father and brother in law trying to wrap my head around the game. This was not the first time that I was sat between these two. It involved start wars and a weekend I will never get back, but that's a story for another day.

I was hooked ever since.

 

I will throw out there now that I am not necessarily a Panthers fan even though I am a North Carolinian. I am a cheese head, but I like to call my self a football fan as there are quite a few players that I like to keep an eye on. Julio Jones(since his Alabama days), Luke Kuechly, Jordy Nelson(even though he's out for the season), Clay Matthews, Aaron Rodgers, Luke Kuechly, Jonathan Stewart, JJ Watt, and Colin Kaepernick; just to name a few.

 

Flash forward to yesterday. I traveled to Bank of America stadium for the Panthers game against the Texans. Sadly, Luke Kuechly was out, but I did get to witness all the was JJ Watt, even though the panthers did a great job of shutting him down. I ill also say that A.J Klein did a fantastic job of filling in for Luke. The game was a nail bitter and it could've gone either way. Thankfully the panther did win their season opener. Cam newton was my top earner yesterday. He got me 26 points in my fantasy league. I only took one photo during the game. I was a little distracted, but I did get some before. I'll add them at the end of this post.

 

After the game, my friend and I had a headache and were hungry so we made our way to find some food. We went into Harris Teeter and hit up their salad bar for lunch and grabbed a box of raspberries for desert. After eating we made the 5 hours trip back home. In all it was a great day. The panthers stadium staff we all very lovely and couldn't have asked for a better Sunday.

 

Who's your team? What players are you rooting for?

Laters butterflies,

Skin

 

We had an early start. Let my house at about 5 am

Made it to Charlotte a little after 10

 



A few Texans out an the field stretching



AJ Klein is on the left.



JJ Watt warming up

Panthers doing team stretches

 

Someday

Every little girl dreams of living a fairytale. Having our "someday when I grow up" moment. We dream about the day when we finally meet the man of our dreams, fall in love, and begin our lives. As we grow into the people we were meant to be we find our dreams morph into other things. We obsess over making friends, where to hide our report cards, and before you know it were back to trying to find the best prom date. Eventually, we find our match, get married, and have children of our own.

Tonight, after a long conversation with my parents, I've decided to compose my thoughts here. We didn't just talk about marriage, though that is the topic that has weighed heavily on my shoulders lately. All of those that I graduated high school with are getting married, having babies, and some are even getting divorced. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to decide what to I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

I've decided to take a minute and write a letter to my future husband, whom ever he may be.

 

You have taken on a lot, considering you've agreed to marry me. I scream, cry, and sometimes it's enough to just breath. I will twist your words and actions into something they are not simply because that's how my brain works. I will struggle to trust you. Not because you are unworthy, but because my trust has been misguided. I hope that you will see my flaws and realize that they are the bad you have to take with the good. I pray that you will love me through my dark days and celebrate the good ones. I am not the easiest person to love or even get along with at times, but I will make you a promise.

 

I promise to always be honest with you; tell you what's on my mind even if you don't want to hear it. I will try my damnedest to put my trust and love in you without second guessing my own instinct. You have chosen to care for me, spend the rest of your life with me, and most importantly, you have chosen to love me. There is no way for me to express how much that means to me.

 

Here's to you and our someday!