A Letter to my Future Self

 I wasn't originally going to put this online, but I decided that maybe it would inspire me if I actually wrote it down, well typed it.

I am in a good place; physically and emotionally. I know that I won't always be. This post is a letter to my future self; to remind me that every storm will pass and there will always be a ray of light.

 

If you're looking back on this post, then you aren't particularly having a good day. Maybe it's work, your friends, or maybe even family stuff. We can get pretty crazy sometimes. You're a smart girl. I know you, very well. I am you. You're starting to think that you were wrong. You're beginning to believe that happiness was a cruel joke that your mind is playing on you. 

 

Happiness is real. You've felt it.

 

Take a deep breath. Try to remember that this feeling isn't forever, its just for now. Clear your mind. focus on what makes you happy. Go to a show, see a movie, grab some dinner. This life is yours. Don't let anyone take that away from you. One day you might have children, hell you may have a few now. Know matter what they'll be proud of you, but lead by example. Be the strong woman that you want other girls to be. You can get through this. I believe in you. Even if right now you can't do the same.

 

Signed the only person that you may truly trust.

 

 

Someday

Every little girl dreams of living a fairytale. Having our "someday when I grow up" moment. We dream about the day when we finally meet the man of our dreams, fall in love, and begin our lives. As we grow into the people we were meant to be we find our dreams morph into other things. We obsess over making friends, where to hide our report cards, and before you know it were back to trying to find the best prom date. Eventually, we find our match, get married, and have children of our own.

Tonight, after a long conversation with my parents, I've decided to compose my thoughts here. We didn't just talk about marriage, though that is the topic that has weighed heavily on my shoulders lately. All of those that I graduated high school with are getting married, having babies, and some are even getting divorced. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to decide what to I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

I've decided to take a minute and write a letter to my future husband, whom ever he may be.

 

You have taken on a lot, considering you've agreed to marry me. I scream, cry, and sometimes it's enough to just breath. I will twist your words and actions into something they are not simply because that's how my brain works. I will struggle to trust you. Not because you are unworthy, but because my trust has been misguided. I hope that you will see my flaws and realize that they are the bad you have to take with the good. I pray that you will love me through my dark days and celebrate the good ones. I am not the easiest person to love or even get along with at times, but I will make you a promise.

 

I promise to always be honest with you; tell you what's on my mind even if you don't want to hear it. I will try my damnedest to put my trust and love in you without second guessing my own instinct. You have chosen to care for me, spend the rest of your life with me, and most importantly, you have chosen to love me. There is no way for me to express how much that means to me.

 

Here's to you and our someday!